If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
