you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
