i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
