I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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