I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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