So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
