the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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