just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
