Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
