I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
