Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We talked him into tasing himself.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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