david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
