okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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