My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
