My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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