Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
