I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
