3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
