i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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