made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
