I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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