I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
COCAINE IS GR8
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
