Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
