Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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