i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
