Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
