My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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