New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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