VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
