I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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