Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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