I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
