You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
