my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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