So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
