she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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