People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
