I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
