you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
