i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
