Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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