Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
