it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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