My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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