I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
