Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
