In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Those nachos came to me in a dream
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
