What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
