look no pants
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
