she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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