woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
