I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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